Luminary
by darkangel-silvermoon
Summary: Morgan turned the lamp off in the hotel room...Reid can't sleep.WARNING: MAJOR ANGST!Also SPOILER ALERT: SEASONS TWO THROUGH FIVE COVERED!Reviews are lovely :D


I own nothing.

This is …something.

It started out as a stream of consciousness… so if anyone gets confused- I apologize.

WARNING:MAJOR ANGST!

I would love to hear from you if you have the time.

Thank you for your time

_**I'm so tired of being here**_

_**Suppressed by all my childish fears**_

_**If you have to leave**_

_**I wish that you'd just leave**_

_**Your presence still lingers here**_

_**And it won't leave me alone**_

_**This pain is just too real**_

_**There's just so much that time cannot erase**_

_** Evanescence- My Immortal**_

**Reid trembles as his eyes open wide- trying to take in more light; the darkness enveloping him. He's not afraid of the dark- no thirty year old male with the IQ of 187 should be afraid of the dark- but he is. **

**Morgan forgot to leave the lamp on in their hotel room and you'd think that there would be **_**two **_**lamps- one for each nightstand for their double room; but of course- of all possible outcomes- there's one. On Morgan's side of the room.**

**Reid curls into a ball- trying to remind himself that there's nothing to fear- that everything is psychological and that there's nothing that can hurt him.**

**But that doesn't make the edges of his memory creep on him**- the closet door locking- him pounding till his throat is hoarse- until he was too weak to stand, too weak to pound, to call to, to scratch , to whimper, to make any sound at all.

**And in the dark his breath hitches in half sob- panic and desperation mixing with fear- as all the other horrible things come clawing back as the pitch descends deeper into his mind.  
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Tobias and the sting, gasping and retching- the cries that never make it pass the cracked lips, throat dry- no matter what. The thoughts cramming as he tries to stay alive stay alert stay- choose- choose who lives who dies, choose goddamn it repent, repent for your sins- pain release relief pain staring down a barrel of a gun, touch, gone- cold vials, slipping deeper**-Reid whimpers**- he has to fight this.

**He scrunches tighter as the darkness wraps around his heart immobilizing him with something deep, primal, worse than fear and dread itself. **

The pain the release flooding him- the pinch of needles the numbness that follows chasing the trouble bubbling to the surface again no matter how much he took can't stop won't stop help? Arms curl tight around him- Reid, pretty Boy we're gonna get you the help promise pretty boy nothing bad's gonna happen promise.

**Reid shivers**; throat clenching as the virus creeps into his system- coughing blood, ravaging his lungs- the weakness-Mom-he needs to let his mother know- he wanted to tell him but never found the words. Wanted to but only the words "I'm sorry" falls from his lips. There's nothing there- body racked with pain- he spirals deeper into the darkness still.

The nightmares creep, tearing him at the seams until he unravels- the scars left from where his father extracted himself from him. From _Dr. Spencer Reid._ The weight he had to bear by himself for so long. Gideon's gun heavy in his hand. The note crumpled in anger- marred, never to be perfect again. His mother locked away in her head.

When will this end?

The pain swirls with the emotion until there's no way to separate the two.

**Reid finally cries out; the darkness digging tooth and nail into his heart.**

"**Reid?" Morgan shoots up in his bed- fumbling for the lamp.**

"**Reid!" Morgan stumbles as he gets out of bed- leg tangled in the sheet. Reid's body a tight knot in the center of his bed as he shakes with the sobs racking his frame. Hollow, empty, wet cries that he can't sto p, can't get a breathe, can't…**

"**Reid? What's wrong?" Morgan curls up next to him, pulling him against his chest. And Reid lets him, because it helps; pressing his face into the barrel chest before him- listening to the steady beat of Morgan's heart instead of the thread pulse-beat of his own.**

"**Shh- Kid, it's gonna be alright." Morgan doesn't even second guess running his hand along Reid's back- pressing his lips against Reid's sweaty head- tendrils curling around his temples.**

"**I'm sorry." Reid rasps; trying to catch his breath. That's all that he can give.**

"**Nothin' to apologize for kid. I got your back- always." Morgan hums.**

**Reid curls tighter against his friend.**

**Thank you- he murmurs. **

**Tired, his body relaxes; lets the light wash the darkness out.**

A/N: Wow…that was cheerful.


End file.
